Some friends asked for updates on the Summer Sabbatical my family is taking. Let me start with this:
It’s HARD to stop.
I started the summer with two fairly large writing projects going and wanted to finish them. But it’s summer. So the kids are home. And I am not able to focus when children are home. I have 4 hours a week when they are gone so that doesn’t leave much me time.
I have ideas, hopes, dreams, desires and with each day that goes by I see nothing get done.
On top of this, more ideas come piling in. I could publish an old sermon as a free eBook for my readers. I could create new pin-able pictures for old blog posts and gain more traction on twitter. I could update you guys every week about the sabbatical and the konmari and the redecorating and the new firepit and then I find myself staring off into space because all of the ideas collide in my brain and I’m caught in the wreckage…
(Do I sound a little crazy? I feel a little crazy.)
So it occurred to me that I’m stressed out.
How’s my summer sabbatical? I’m not taking a sabbatical. My kids have one. I do not.
How can the kids rest well when their mama is running wild?
I need to stop.
But I haven’t been able to.
I have felt I need to keep up. I need to keep up in the conventional publishing world which expects thousands of readers of this website and even more on twitter, facebook, all social media in order for a writer to have a respectable book.
Quite sometime ago (and a few times since) I’ve mentioned my book. It has been on hold for a couple of months in order to build up a following. This breaks my heart. I feel purpose in my book. I think it has a message. An audience of its own.
But it remains unwritten because of the conventional call for numbers.
I need to stop.
I just cried into my lunch with my husband, because I see my time flitting away from being able to write this book. I have learned so much about publishing that I’ve been frightened to try to write it – without the numbers behind me.
Well, I think God is behind me. Isn’t that enough?
You guys, I’m ditching convention.
I’m scared, but I think I need to do it. Have I said I would do it before? Yeah, probably. I’m serious this time.
I need to follow the call God has placed on my heart for tired mamas who long for God, but have lost the ability to connect with Him.
That is who my book is for. And it must be written.
So, I’m stepping away from this blog for awhile. I don’t know how long. But I want you to know I will still be writing.
I hope to actually finish a dream that has been started.
Part of me feels like this is a step towards failure.
The other part says it is a step towards obedience.
I choose obedience today. And I will choose obedience tomorrow. I choose to stop the hustle and to step into the rest. I will work hard. I will cry over this thing. I will question myself. I will feel insecure. I will have moments of triumph.
Could following a dream be any less?
Truthfully, I’m frightened. I’m afraid you won’t be here when I come back.
But even then, I think I will be okay.
I would love it if you would pray for me if I pop into your mind. And when this thing is written, you can bet I’ll be sharing it with you. My readers. I’m more grateful for you than you know.
Have a restful summer,